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No Rajya Sabha for Retired CJIs
No Chief Justice of India shall be granted a Rajya Sabha seat as a post-retirement reward for a "favourable" judgment. The robe is not a job application.
A political party for the people the Vishwaguru forgot to count. Five demands. Zero corporate donors. One large, stubborn swarm. Membership is free, lifelong, and revocable only by you.
The Cockroach Janta Party (CJP) was founded on the day a sitting Member of Parliament referred to the country's young people as "cockroaches infesting the internet."
Rather than file a defamation suit — a service that has, in any case, been outsourced to the Enforcement Directorate — we did the next sensible thing. We adopted the name. We wrote a manifesto. We launched a party.
The CJP is the official political home of the lazy, the unemployed, the over-qualified, the chronically online, and the quietly furious. We accept no corporate donations, hold no rallies in stadiums named after living politicians, and promise no temples we have not personally helped build.
What we offer is simpler: five demands, an honest budget of ₹0, and the right to complain in English, Hindi, and meme.
Read it once. Read it twice. Then forward it to one (1) uncle on WhatsApp. We will know if you don't.
No Chief Justice of India shall be granted a Rajya Sabha seat as a post-retirement reward for a "favourable" judgment. The robe is not a job application.
If any legitimate vote is deleted, the Chief Election Commissioner shall be arrested under UAPA. Taking away the voting rights of citizens is no less than terrorism.
Women shall receive 50% reservation — not 33% — without increasing the strength of Parliament. Half of all Cabinet positions shall also be reserved for women.
All media houses owned by Ambani and Adani shall have their broadcast licences cancelled to make way for truly independent media. Investigate the bank accounts of anchors who shout "Pakistan!" five times a minute.
Any MLA or MP who defects from one party to another — by helicopter, ED notice, or "personal reasons" — shall be barred from contesting elections and holding any public office for twenty years.
Manifesto adoption depends on uncles. Forward this page to one uncle who voted for them twice. We will not stop until he reads at least Demand #1.
Six legs. Two antennae. One spine. Wears a tricolor sash. Refuses to disclose either chest measurement or net worth — a quality unmatched in Indian politics for at least eleven years.
The Founder addresses the swarm not through 8 a.m. tweets, scripted Mann Ki Baat episodes, or 47 photo-ops at airports, but through the comparatively radical method of publishing his actual positions in writing, with citations, on a public website, with comments enabled.
The Founder has so far taken more press conferences than the Prime Minister — though, admittedly, both are at zero. The Founder commits to changing this number, in either direction, before the next election cycle.
The Founder is currently unmarried, unemployed by choice, and unencumbered by any coffee-table book. He survives on cheese, principle, and the goodwill of approximately three uncles who still answer their WhatsApp.
If the Government can rename a stadium and call it a scheme, so can we. The difference: ours are funded by exactly nothing and benefit exactly everyone.
Re-classification of metro-side fritter stalls as "self-employment" — officially withdrawn. Selling a pakora is no longer a substitute for a job. Frying remains permitted, accounting does not.
Status: Repealed →National search-and-rescue operation for the 8 crore jobs promised annually since 2014. Last known location: Mann Ki Baat Episode 87, minute 32–33. Reward: dignity.
Ongoing →A historic commitment to inaugurate exactly zero (0) new temples in this term, in the next term, or in any term ever. The Constitution thanks us. So does Article 25.
Active →Full restoration of the Right to Information Act to its 2005 strength. Mandatory disclosure of PM CARES, the Electoral Bond ledger, and a complete itinerary of the past 78 foreign trips.
Priority 1 →Subsidised spinal implants for news anchors, Election Commissioners, and certain Supreme Court judges. Bulk discounts available. Returnable on resignation, mandatory on appointment.
Pilot →Formal restoration of the state of Manipur to English-language news bulletins, ministerial speeches, and the Prime Minister's tour calendar. Includes a one-line apology.
Urgent →Daily bulletins from the Party. Honest. Verified by nobody. Free to forward.
Breaking
A new political outfit calling itself the Cockroach Janta Party announced its existence on Wednesday, declaring itself the official representative of the country's lazy, unemployed, and quietly furious. The Prime Minister, when reached, was on his 79th foreign trip and unavailable for response.
Read Sankalp Patra →Membership is free, lifelong, and revocable only by you. No fees. No selfies with the leader. No "missed call to register." No 4 a.m. WhatsApp forwards from a number called 🇮🇳 Patriot Group 47.